i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
