a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
