The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
