Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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