It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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