May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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