i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
