Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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