I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
