If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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