On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm at about main and main street
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
