think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She's the barista slut.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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