im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize