just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want to be your penis for a week.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
