her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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