Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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