i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
