Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
