every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
