My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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