Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
