remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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