wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
