so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
