Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
