im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
