I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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