Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
