speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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