I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
