trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
