We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
