we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
