have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
