Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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