I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
