You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
