i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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