Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
