in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
