the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
