Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
