I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
