we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
