Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
