On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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