guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
