I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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