Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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