New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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