Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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