Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wear drunk well.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
