Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
