it wasn't lemon gatorade
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
