I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
