we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
