yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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