i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
