I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
then he tried to convert me to islam
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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