Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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