life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
