you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
