Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
