woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
