I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
