i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
